Throughout my seven years of college, one year of residency, and whatever I've been doing for the last half year or so (so get that, approx. 8.5 years total) I have lived in 9 different houses/apartments (yes, including my parent's house) in 6 different cities. The shortest amount of time being about 4 months (excluding my parent's house on summer breaks) and the longest being about a year and a half. Well, technically I suppose the shortest is the one I'm currently living in, seeing as I just moved in last weekend. So 8 days. Whatever. The point is, I get around (haha).
So what does all that moving around have to do with anything? Well, it means that I also have tried a lot of different churches. And have been the "new person" at each of them. Not only am I just the "new person" but I'm a single new person. I don't know if it feels differently trying out a new church with someone else (ie. your significant other and/or your family), but I'm guessing it's nice to at least be able to sit by someone you know who will talk to you (provided you're not on the receiving end of "the silent treatment" from a recent dispute...).
Anyhow, from this viewpoint, as a single, 20-something, Christian woman who has attended numerous churches without knowing anyone, I'm seeing a missed ministry opportunity. And it's quite the gaping hole.
Before I lay it out, I first want to say that yes, as a Christian who gets the system, should it have been my responsibility to jump in, head first, into a church I barely knew in order to find a community to thrive in and give back to? Maybe, maybe not. Regardless of your opinion on that subject, I decided to use this time to be an observer of the system as it exists today (especially since I knew that I would be moving, yet again, relatively shortly). Take the role of "newbie" and wear it at each new church and see where the gaps are in how churches welcome new people. And I will admit, that sometimes this was hard and challenging to not have a local community. Take note, I wasn't doing this for the entirety of the last 8.5 years, but for a decent portion, especially once the city-jumping started happening more frequently.
So what have I observed in my time as the newbie to church?
Pros
- People are very good at smiling at the entrances to doors
- People are quite excellent at handing me things
- People are great at being polite
- Old people have been the best at starting conversations with me
Cons
- No one ever asked me to spend time with them outside of church
- No one asked me to come to a specific small group with them (if I put out a lot of effort, for a new person at least, I would be told about a small group or given a handout...and then expected to show up at some stranger's house, once again, by myself)
- No one asked for my phone number (except for those communication cards...which are really easy to leave out information on upon filling them out)
- The only people I sat next to directly side-by-side were because the church was filling up and running out of seats
- Churches really do talk about money quite frequently (not something that bothers me, as it is an important part of life, but I know that it bothers some people)
So what? Who cares about all my griping? Well, I have been taught that when I point out a problem, I should also be prepared with a suggestion to help improve or solve the problem. It doesn't have to be a perfect solution, but griping alone really doesn't do much for anyone. So I'm going to make some suggestions and maybe try to implement them in whatever church I get involved in, now that I'm in a town where I will hopefully be putting down roots for a good portion of time. (You never know, though)
The greeters at the door of the church have been fabulous...at saying hello and smiling. I'm thinking there could be a tad more to that particular "job." When they say hello and notice that someone is seems to be new (single, couple, family, whatever), instead of just waving them in through the doors, find out a tiny bit about them. Then, direct them to...
DUN DUN DUN!
A new friend! Yes, a real, actual person who wants to get to know them! Sounds cheesy, maybe, but I think it could be doable. Nearby to the greeters, have a group of people who know the church pretty well and the people in it. The greeter can then introduce, let's say...a 30ish single dad, to one of the men of the group who has kids (or doesn't, whatever). But the kicker is that this man would then spend the rest of the morning (oh goodness, a whole 70-90 minutes) chatting with the new guy, exchanging numbers, setting up a time to actually get coffee together during the week. Would this mean that he might not get to sit with his wife or family? Yes (or go sit with them, I don't care...as long as you engage the new guy!) But let's be honest, is Sunday morning really about you? Looking as good as you can with your happy little family and being perfect? Or is it about God?
Now, I'm not saying that this group of friend-makers has to be the same people every week. I'm also not saying that this is how to catch new people and keep them in the church. But I am seeing it as an opportunity to reach out to people. People who really just might want a friend. And guess what...when they make a new friend...so do you. Or maybe you start talking and realize that neither of you have much in common. Well, that's okay, because I'm guessing you know a few people in the church who might have more in common with them. And guess what!! You can set them up to be friends. It's okay to do that! This world is a hodge podge of people and you're not going to mesh perfectly with all of them. But you can try. I'm not saying you'll spend the rest of your lives with them. All I'm asking for is 70-90 minutes (or however long your church service goes). And then coffee (unless you live somewhere other than the Pacific Northwest...then maybe try...oh I don't know, tea and crumpets). Who knows, you could end up with a new best friend...
**Disclaimer** I have no idea if this idea is feasible or not. Or how well it would play out. And yes, I know that it's harder than the current system. But the current system also doesn't really work to accomplish anything. So it's worth a try, right?
