Fear--How "Myself" Can I Be?

Alright, I'm going to start something new. Kind of like a "fear series" of sorts. Things that scare me or make me nervous about being in a relationship. Some of them might be kind of stupid, others deeper. I guess we'll just see how this turns out ;)

So I guess the fear that I'm going to kick this off with is this: how much of "myself" can I be?

This is a weird question, I know, but let me explain a bit. For me, it's easy to be honest and myself with God. He created me, He has given me the personality that I have, He knows me far better than I know myself. And He's God. He will always love me. No matter what stupid things I do or say. Make a dumb joke or trip walking up stairs. Whether I sing in the shower or vacuum not as frequently as I would like to. Any of the weird quirks I have, it doesn't matter, because He will always love me. (Which is, quite honestly, astonishing and I am so thankful for this truth.)

But what about a person? A person who is just as flawed as I am? Who can walk away at any moment? Someone who can choose to stop loving me whenever they realize just how weird I am? How can I put that much trust in someone if they may back out once they see the truth?

Let's be honest, relationships are not all fun and games. There are hard times and sometimes they take work. And not only that, but once you marry someone, your sins are not only your problem to work through...they're a problem for both of you to work through. That freaks me out. I like my problems to stay my problems, and just me and God can work them out. Because I know that He will stick by me and love me and He really wants me to figure out my junk so I can be even closer to Him.

I think one of the funny things about this fear is that once I'm with the man God has for me, I know that I'll be able to love him and stick by him through all of his quirks and flaws. Why do I know this? Because marriage is a commitment and I will keep that commitment. Because I know that God has given me wisdom in being "picky" when it comes to who I will date, let alone marry. The man that God is working on setting me up with is going to love Jesus immensely.

And this is where I need to get comfort. God is the one setting up this lifelong friendship that I will be living. He sees my quirks, faults, and flaws and He's working on a guy to complement them and even them out. And He's doing the same thing for my husband with me. And this man will love Jesus and carry the convictions that I myself seek to have.

And the fact that he is a godly man will be evidence enough to know that he will choose to love me through the quirks. Through the sins that we will both have to face and turn over to God. Through the challenges that a lifetime together will throw at us. This could actually turn out to be quite fun.